"When Conflict Becomes a Conflict                                     Home Page                        

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Conflict occurs everyday; in offices, homes, on vacation, and anywhere else you have people

attempting to be in relationship. Even though it’s common, rarely are people equipped to reach

resolution. Often worse is an attempt to avoid conflict altogether, which typically prolongs the

problem until it becomes an all out battle.  

The most difficult situations tend to be discussed by everyone but the person involved. Often a

meeting will be called to offer generic instruction to the group as a whole, when the person in

conflict never realizes they are the culprit. Resolution has to be specific and one on one with the

person or persons in involved. Here are some suggestions: 

1. Always deal first with emotion. If someone is angry the problem becomes secondary. Validate

appropriate emotions before moving forward. “I understand you are upset, help me to understand

how this affects you so that we can reach a consensus.” Then as the leader, listen. Often once

they have “vented” their anger reduces and the problem becomes easier to resolve. Often others

simply want to be heard. 

2. Give a commitment and get a commitment: Once you’ve acknowledged a problem and have a

plan in place, then you are in a position to ask for something in return. “If I can get this done for

you, can I trust that you are a team player and can move beyond this?” 

3. Confront issues with a witness: Problems should never be dealt with unless a third party is

present. Too avoid “he said she said” always ensure someone who can be neutral is present as

the discussion takes place and have that person take notes of the meeting and any decisions

made. 

4. Follow up in writing: Recalling a conversation later can be difficult, but if you have a letter

summarizing the meeting and the action taken, that can become a part of the employees file

and have all parties sign in agreement. 

5. Solicit suggestions: Be proactive by not waiting! On many products today there is a toll free

number to call with complaints or suggestions. That is because it is much easier to deal with

suggestions than problems. Create an environment where others will contribute ideas and

help eliminate bigger problems down the road.  

6. Schedule regular reviews: Having a regularly scheduled time to review, reflect, and plan is

important in improving employee retention and loyalty. It’s also a good time to ask questions

about how you as the leader can better serve them. It’s as important to know what a team

member expects from you as a leader as it is to make known your expectations of that employee. 

Conflict is a part of life, but dealing with is successfully is a skill rarely mastered. Take time to

listen, ask the right questions, and deal with reality all at the same time. Once you’ve mastered

it, conflict will become an opportunity to build great relationships and establish trust while

earning the respect of others within your organization.